Emmett's Mission: Stalk & Harass
by HEY YOU with the glasses
Summary: Follow Emmett and his accomplice, Jasper, as they stalk & harass fellow Forkians. FUNNY! Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.


Emmett's Mission: Stalk & Harass

Rating: PG-13

_victim one_

**Bella Swan**

Emmett POV

"Jasper, Emmett to Jasper. Jasper are you there?" I asked in a hushed tone as I spoke into the small walkie talkie.

"Yes, Emmett. I'm here," Replied Jasper sounding annoyed. He, didn't speak into the walkie talkie however, so I didn't answer him. We stayed in silence for a few minutes, until Jasper suddenly exploded. " I'm standind a feet away from you Emmett!" he screamed. Well, that was obvious. I still stood there in silence, Jasper getting more irritated and he finally yelled, "I'm here!" into the walkie talkie.

"Wonderful," I stated as a grin spread across my face, "Time to get started." Just that moment Edward walked into the room. I instantly blocked my thoughts by picturing me in the leapard print speedo Rosalie put on me last week. Edward just grimaced and he was about to walk away but he must've noticed the walkie talkie in my hand. He looked suspiciously from me to Jasper.

"Don't do anything stupid," he warned. I instantly squished the grin back on my face covering up with a normal face. Or trying to by sticking out my lips and squinting my eyes. It was the best I could do. I saw Jasper shot me a look that seemed like 'you're a genious' as he also tried to hold back a smile.

Edward POV

I was getting ready to pick up Bella to go to school and as I rounded the corner to get to the front door I see Emmett and Jasper standing there. How odd, the two usually try to get as much video game time before school starts. I tried to look into Emmett's thoughts but found him in a leopard print speedo. I grimaced at the thought of how he got into the thing and just generally him in it was disturbing enough to scar me forever. I was about to leave but then I noticed Emmett holding a small, black walkie and Jasper also had a similiar one. I looked at them suspiciously.

"Don't do anything stupid," I simply stated. Then Emmett's face contorted into the most hideous thing I've ever seen. _He looks like a fish, what an idiot_, I heard Jasper think. He really did. I just shrugged.

"I'm going to pick up Bella," I stated cautiously as I saw Jasper & Emmett smile ever so slightly, "Don't even think about including her in one of your idotic schemes," I growled giving them glares before heading out the door.

Emmett POV

"Ready to follow victim and her lover?" I spoke into the walky talky. Jasper glared at me as he went to say good-bye to Alice. I used this time to grab my super spy video camera. Okay, it was really Edward's but he didn't need to know that I'd be using it to stalk and harass his girlfriend.

Jasper came downstairs a few minutes later with a laptop, I shot him a questioning look.

"To take notes," he simply replied. Brilliant! Jasper was even better at this then I thought. And here I was thinkning Jasper would make a horrible accomplice.

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(means scene change)

I hopped into the car with Jasper at the driver's seat. He had to drive because I was the one holding the video tape. We were just outside of Bella's house waiting for Edward to come out with Bella. Geez, what was taking so long?

I focused the video camera at Bella's window, "Monday, March 18, 6:43 A.M. Location: Bella's house," I spoke into the camera, "Victim: Isabella Swan. Emmett Cullen here with my accomplice Jasper Hale. Say hi to the camera Jasper-OW!" I was cut off by Jasper shoving the camera into my face.

"Listen, I still don't know why I'm helping you..._stalk_ people," he said seeming annoyed, "But if Edward ever sees this I do not want to be apart of it." I made a 'you chicken' face at him.

"Hey! I see someone coming out!" I whisperd/yell pointing the camera at the door. Unfortunately it wasn't Bella it was Chief Swan. He looked all groggyish and tired. Then he just suddenly looked directly at the camera and started squinting. He looked like he was going to tear someone's head off. Luckily I was wearing a ski mask to add to my spy-like day. I alway persuaded Jasper to wear one too. However mines was clearly better because I picked out a cashmere one for me and a cotton one for Jasper. MUAHAHAHA- oh shit. Cheif Swan was starting to run over to the car. Luckily he was such a slow, plump man.

"DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" I yelled startling Jasper who was taking some notes on Bella's house. We blasted out of there. It felt like we were robbers or something. It felt AWESOME. I had to resist the urge to give Chief Swan the finger like many robbers gave cops when they got away.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Unfortunately we couldn't get the chance to follow Bella & Edward to school because they already left. Jasper is such a slow driver compared to Edward. We arrive dat the school. I used my Emmett instincts to find Bella with my nose. I got many stares from onlookers as they watched me sniff the air with my nose. Jasper just looked embarrassred but stayed at my side. I stopped when I saw Bella at the water machine. I quickly took out my video camera.

"6:52, Location: Forks High School. Victim: Bella Swan." I said recording as Bella searched her pocket for a dollar.

"Finally," she spoke happily, "I get to pay for something by myself!" She seemed really happy about this. But, since they mission was Stalk & _Harrass _I quickly pulled a five dollar bill out of my wallet and threw it at at.

At first she seemed really confused. "What? Huh?" Was all she could say. It was hilarious watching her as she solemnly tried to get rid of the bill, having no idea where it came from.Even Jasper was grinning and stifling back laughter. She sighed and eventually took the bill and slipped it in her pocket. I couldn't take it anymore and apparently Jasper couldn't either. We boomed out laughing. Bella's head instantly whipped in our direction. When she saw us her eyes slightly narrowed.

Edward, as if on cue, decided to round the corner. I saw Bella point in our direction and tell Edward some stuff about us video taping her and throwing money at her as if she were some stripper. WHAT? Who knew Bella could be so vicious. Edward turned to face us, but I forgot that I was still holding the camera, which also belonged to Edward. His eyes were pitch black as he lunged for me and Jasper- WAIT, Jasper ditched me! That son of a - I was cut off by Edward tackling me but the last thing I saw was Bella's smirking face...

**Authors Note: Hmmmm, I wonder who will be Emmett's next victim...? XD**


End file.
